Are You Living Someone Else's Life?

Takeaways

Imagine chasing a dream that isn't yours.

We're shaped by societal expectations from day one.

Living in bad faith means pretending others' choices are yours.

Conditioning influences our career and life choices.

The cost of living someone else's life is burnout and emptiness.

Resentment can arise from pursuing unfulfilling goals.

It's essential to identify what truly lights you up.

Start small by saying no to one expectation.

Ask yourself what you genuinely want.

Your life is a story to write, not a script to follow.

Sound Bites

"What do you want?"

Transcript

Imagine this: You’re chasing a dream—a job, a lifestyle, a version of success. It looks good on paper. Everyone’s proud. But late at night, when it’s just you and your thoughts, something feels… off. Like you’re wearing someone else’s skin. Ever had that nagging itch? We’re told what to want, who to be, how to live—from the moment we’re born. Parents, friends, society—they all hand us scripts. But what if the life you’re building isn’t yours? What if you’re starring in someone else’s story? Today, we’re peeling that back. This isn’t about blame—it’s about waking up. Are you living someone else’s life? Let’s find out. Stick with me—this might just hit closer to home than you think.

Let’s start at the source. From day one, we’re shaped. Your parents might’ve said, ‘Be a doctor—it’s stable.’ Your friends push, ‘Party more, live a little.’ Scroll online, and it’s all ‘Hustle harder,’ ‘Look like this.’ These voices aren’t evil—they’re just loud. And before you know it, you’re following a map you didn’t draw.

Philosophers like Sartre called this ‘bad faith’—living a lie by pretending someone else’s choices are yours. Psychology backs it up: Studies on conformity—like Asch’s famous line experiments—show we bend to fit in, even when we know it’s wrong. Ever taken a job because ‘it’s what people do’? Chosen a goal because it’s what’s expected? That’s not coincidence—it’s conditioning.

Think of your life as a house. Who built it? If every brick—your career, your hobbies, your values—was laid by someone else, is it really your home? We don’t always notice. It’s subtle. But it’s there.

Now, let’s talk about what happens when you live someone else’s life. There’s a toll. Maybe you feel it already—a quiet emptiness, like you’re going through the motions. Research from Self-Determination Theory—a big deal in psychology—says we thrive on autonomy. When our choices don’t match our core, we fray. Burnout creeps in. Joy fades. Ever met someone who ‘has it all’ but seems hollow? That’s the cost.

The signs are sneaky. You might resent the very things you’ve worked for—a degree, a relationship—because they’re not yours. Or you’re exhausted, pleasing everyone but yourself. I’ve been there—chasing applause until I forgot why I started. It’s like wearing a mask so long you forget your own face.

And here’s the kicker: No one’s forcing you. Not really. We choose it—out of fear, habit, or just not knowing better. So, ask yourself: Whose dream am I living right now? Whose voice am I echoing? If it’s not yours, what’s it costing you?

So, how do you know? Let’s get introspective. Right now, picture your life. What’s one thing you do because you have to—not because you want to? Maybe it’s a goal you’ve outgrown, or a role you play to keep the peace. Feel that resistance? That’s a clue. Now flip it: What’s one thing that lights you up—something you’d chase even if no one clapped? That’s yours.

This isn’t about ditching everything—it’s about sifting. Start small. Say no to one expectation that doesn’t fit. Try something just for you—a quiet walk, a weird hobby. Studies in Journal of Personality show that even tiny acts of autonomy boost well-being. It’s not rebellion; it’s remembering.

Here’s the deep cut: When’s the last time you asked, ‘What do I want?’ Not your parents, not your feed—what you want? Sit with that. It’s scary. It’s messy. But it’s where your life starts. What’s one step you could take to claim it back?

Are you living someone else’s life? Maybe parts of it. Maybe more than you’d like. But here’s the good news: You don’t have to stay there. This isn’t about tearing it all down—it’s about building something true. Your life isn’t a script to follow; it’s a story to write.

So, here’s my challenge: This week, find one moment to choose you. One decision, big or small, that’s yours alone. See how it feels. Share it in the comments if you’re up for it—I’d love to hear your story. Because here’s the truth: No one else can live your life. Not really. It’s yours to take back. Start now. You’re ready.